Where did I go?

Wow, it has been over a year since I posted on this thing! Honestly, I had forgotten it for awhile and recently found it again after I googled myself. =)

I was not going to write anything, but I thought I should share something that is going on with me, and maybe I will get some good feedback!

I have not touched my horses or ridden in months. 

My fast track last November was amazing. I met some wonderful people and learned so much. Halfway through Vanna got injured. Lucky for my Allie was only 6 hours away to I booked it up north and switched horses.

My whole view of the fast track changed. 


I LOVE Allie. Allie is my soul mate in horse form. Thats funny to say but we are the exact same in every way, emotionally, mentally and sometimes even physically. (girls got some curves!).

Allie was originally Mirka's horse, and when Mirka saw Allie and I together, she knew we were a match. She was right. Another thing Allie and I have in common is our past. Allie was horribly abused; I wont go into much detail, but I know she was hung by her head from a tractor to keep from pulling back when tied. Mirka went through so much with that mare to help her be what she is today.

Allie has bagage, and honestly, it really doesn't hold her back, but... it holds me back. I am a right brained person, I use emotion over logic, I am a panic-acholic and a world class worrier.

The last to weeks of my fast track with Allie were the complete opposite than they were with Vanna. I went from cocky and out going to almost comatose with panic and negative thoughts. I could not get it out of my head that Allie was just going to blow up, explode, loose her mind and just wig out. I got through my fast track and passed, but did not get my level 3 in freestyle that I just KNEW I had in the bag with Vanna.

When we got home I focused on getting Vanna well, as well as myself as I had gotten very very ill right before my fast track and put off seeking medical help until i got home. Then we moved the horses to a friends 2 hours away. I hardly got to see them. They are now in my back yard, literally. I am living my dream..... which is turning out to be my personal hell. I drive by my horses everyday, and they look so happy in their giant pasture, fat and happy. Well, I got fat, and I am not happy. I want my life with my horses back. I want to wake up every morning and run out to get them and play all day. I can't do it.

Vanna is done, she will never be more than a light riding trail horse. My partner is no more and that is devastating. Allie, the love of my life is just as talented as Vanna, but my mind can not wrap itself around that. I continue to go into panic mode. I had dreams of being a trainer, a rider, a breeder, I had huge dreams for my horses and they are slowly crumbling away around me and I can't seem to find the pieces. 

I am putting myself out here, bearing it all. maybe someone will read this who had the same issue or problems. I am ready to get out of this rut, I want the old me back.



Honestly,
Emily

Teachability

     Time for a blog!!!! I have been thinking and thinking and thinking about what to write about, I came up with a lot of ideas, but this one has been picking at me the most!!!!

     It has taken me five years to decide what I want to do with my life. That decision is to become a certified Parelli Professional and Horse Development Specialist, with psychology on the side. Growing up and all throughout school, I never ever considered becoming a teacher, I never particularly enjoyed children, or the thought of being the person to give guidance to someone, maybe I just did not have the confidence.

     When I realized what I wanted to do, I started teaching more, just easy lessons here and there, getting experience and making sure it was really wanted I wanted to do. In 2010 I moved to Texas to work at an equestrian center, and did lots of different kind of teaching. For three weeks there was a all girls riding camp, for girls aged 9-18. I met lots of different girls with different backgrounds and skill levels. Most wanted to be there, but some, were forced by parents. Each girl got private lessons with the instructors, and I was able to work with almost all of them. I think those girls taught me more than I taught them. There was one girl in particular who stands out to be the most. She did NOT want to be there. The owner of the center owed this girls father a favor and said she could come to camp at a discount. Well, this girl did not like horses, the outdoors, the sun, dust, or anything to do with the camp, she was miserable and she was sure to let everyone know. She was a bump on log.... or a horse. She literally just sat on the horse and did care. I did everything I could think of to help her, to get her motivated or to even smile. Nothing. I was so frustrated, and really started to doubt myself. Aside from that girl, I got to work with some girls who LOVED horses and what they were doing. Every time I asked them for something more, they did it with energy and enthusiasm, they were so much fun to teach, and they really reenforced why I wanted to do this. Some girls did not progress much, but still had a wonderful time, others were excelling and it was almost moving to see what they were capable of.

    That has been over a year, and since then I have been lucky enough to teach all types of people. I have learned that there is a thing called TEACHABILITY: the ability to be taught. The definition is simple, but the factors are enormous. For example, everyone has teachability, but what makes someone teachable? First ingredient: WANT. The desire to better oneself. The want of knowing more, of becoming something better, and or bigger. Another ingredient. Humble. To know that you need to be taught, to know that you are a student in all things, not just what you are learning at that particular moment, but in life itself. Everyday I am humbled by our world, what I see, feel, hear and experience in life. This ingredient is so important in a student. I could probably go on and on about what makes a person "teachable" but really, I feel that what makes you most teachable is that first ingredient, WANT. When you want something bad enough, you will work for it, do what it takes, and appreciate the outcome because you worked for it.

      I am still a student, I am pliable, a modeling clay for my mentors and future mentors to mold, build and construct in an image of greatness. I have the desire and want to become something more, better, and bigger than thyself. I want to go on and share my knowledge, to help those who share the same desire and want that I crave so much.

     It is hard being a student, the future is so unknown and even scary, I know for me, I am terrified and delighted with knowing that my path is long, hilly and probably pretty rocky, but everyday I will learn and grow and accept everything as a lesson. I want grow to become someone who changes lives, who builds futures and helps accomplish dreams. I want to do this with horses. With people who love horses like I do. Parelli has given me a chance, an opportunity to grown and learn, become the ultimate student and teacher. I am going to do my best to be a teachable as possible, and pass on my love and knowledge to those who want it, who seek it, and who thrive in it!

"Be as true to the horse, as the horse is true to you".

Emily Larramore 

Every Weekend Like the Last!!

     I must start this blog off with saying my thank you's! This past weekend has made me feel so grateful in so many ways!!! It seems hardly adequate just writing about it, but if you could see inside me then you would know!!!

     We had planned to leave at 7 AM Thursday morning to go audit a Mark Rashid clinic, BUT things happen.... LIKE SNOW!!! I could not leave without spending time with the girls, in the snow, with my camera, and I did!!! The girls had a blast!!! Our pasture has open spaces but the horses also have access to some woods, and watching 6 horses run through snow covered tree's as one animal was magical to watch. They leaped, kicked, reared, galloped and just enjoyed themselves.

I got some beautiful pictures of them, but this one is our favorite!!! Indy, Aurora and Catori, layered up!! We have such beautiful girls!!

     After I got done playing in the snow, we did leave, and actually made some pretty good time, until the inevitable happened... we got distracted.  We made it close to Dothan when we realized we were close to where we got Aurora and Catori! I called Stephanie, who sold us the girls, and told her we were close and if we could come see Aurora's brother and maybe see Catori's parents. Catori had a rough start to life, which is its own blog one day soon, but to sum it up, her parents are extrmemly malnurished and her mother knew she could not take care of her, so she left her to die. We drove to the old man's pasture and saw a paint standing on the top of the hill.

     "Thats her dad" Stephanie pointed out to us. He really was a good looking boy. We walked the fence and rattled bags hoping to spark their interest. It worked. 5 horses ran down the hill to us! Catori's dad is a very pretty very thin black and white paint, who shares a remarkable resemblance to Salita's grandfather. Her mother was heavy with her next foal, but we could easily tell she was a well bred horse. Come to find out she is straight foundation bred!!! Next was her brother, who looked so much like her!! Then a few more skinny mares. It was so exciting to see her family, but at the same time, so sad. This old man was not going to give up his horses, nor was he planning on taking proper care of them, including gelding the big paint!!! I hope we can figure something out with these horses, its such a shame. I could get into a HUGE debate over gelding studs, but again... thats another blog.

     ONWARD!!! We had wasted 4 hours!!! Thats okay, we enjoyed every bit of it! We finally made it South/Central Florida on Friday! We said hello to family and headed south once more to Ft. Myers. We ambled our way to the ranch were Mark would be teaching! We made it there right before lunch, just in time for the break! We laid out a blanket in a sunny spot in front of the arena. Mark's clinics are so interesting. Its the same amount of time as a normal clinic, but it is one on one only. He wears a mic so everyone can hear, but, each person gets time with him alone, it is surprising what you can learn from that!!! Well, first of all, let me say, Mark is a funny funny guy!!! He has that dry sarcasm that I just love!!!

When the first lesson started I was getting a bit bored, it seemed that is was just beginner stuff, and review for us, but Mark has a way to teaching the same thing on a new level! He was discussing ground work basic's and making it seem like I have never learned them! IT was so interesting to see the lightbulbs in his students head go off and their horses sigh in gratitude. I learned something in everyone of his mini- sessions with his students, and was well entertained the whole time!! I think next time we will be brining our own horses!!

   After a wonderful clinic, we were starving, and had only one thing on our mind! STONE CRAB!!! We drove around for an hour to find the perfect restaurant, and even phone in help! finally we found one... with a 45 minute wait!!! BUT we stuck it out and it was wonderful! We were happy girls!!

  Sunday was an equally good day! We have cousin's that are in a blue grass band called "Tomorrow's News" and they just happend to be playing at a show only a half hour away!  So we went to see family and enjoy some wonderful music in some fabulous weather!!! It was set in a beautiful park with wild life 

all over!!! What a fantastic time!

  http://www.tomorrowsnewsband.com/

  

     Then we had to make the drudge home! I swear the drive home is always longer than the drive there! We stopped by to see Nana, Poppy, Jill and Cassidy which is always nice, but unfortunately we could not stay long. We made it home Monday around 1 to a BEAUTIFUL sunny 70' day!!! Our horses came right up to us happy that we were home! We played for 4 hours! It was the perfect ending to a perfect weekend!!

    My moral of this blog can be applied in anyway you want. Everyone has bad days, weeks, months, or even years, but there are those times that God gives us, of pure happiness and bliss. Horses, people, music, food, love, or anything. There is so much in this world to be thankful for, you just have to take the time to see it. Sit still for one minute out of your life, let the sun warm your face and the wind blow your hair, and think about everything you love.... your blessing will start to add up, I promise! I may not be where I want to be right now, but I am where I am supposed to be, and the people and horse that surround me make me the happiest most grateful girl you will ever meet!

-E

The Virtue of Patience

     Today I find myself struggling with patience, unfortunately with me, this is not an uncommon thing. As a matter of fact, I struggle with being impatient every single day. Sometimes over tiny silly things like being ready to go and someone taking too long, other times, like now, I am dealing with some big issues that are life changing. 

     When I give other people advice, my key thing is to always point out that "everything happens for a reason". I believe that with everything I am, because I can look back on my life at the good, the bad, and the outcome and see where everything fit in to place perfectly. I have to keep reassuring myself that everything will work out, everything will happen just as it is supposed to happen, but I have this image in my mind, a picture of what I want to happen. Thats the right brain person I am. I have a certain way of doing things, I have a plan, a pattern, and when it is disrupted or stops, it totally throws me out of wack, and I loose myself. 

     This allllll spirals back to horses doesn't it?  I am sure everyone has dealt with an impatient horse!! A horse waiting to eat who slams their hooves against the stall or ground. Pawing at the ground while being tied. These are tiny things, but what about a horse that is impatient over big things?! Whats big in a horses life? YOU! 

     Both types of horses, left and right brain get impatient, in different ways and over different things. The type of horse I stated above would be a more left brain horse. But a right brained horse can be just as impatient. How about when you are trying to teach your horse something new? You have an idea of what you want your horse to do and how to do it, but its just not happening, your horse knows you are asking something from her, but she just doesn't understand, their minds get overloaded and they tend to loose control. 

     Its not always about waiting, and becoming irritated when things to happen fast enough. Its the miscommunication, the a spinning tire, and just plain not understanding. I do not understand why everything is happening the way it is, I am so frustrated and infuriated, but there is nothing I can do about it. AND I know I do this to my horses as well. They don't understand what is being asked, the wires are cross firing, its just not happening, and they become frustrated. 

     Over the next few days I am going to work on my brain and with my horses and see what I can do as a person, and as a horseman to try and become a more patient and understanding person, and trainer. I want to feel calm and comfortable when things are unclear and strange, just as I want my horses to feel when they are being asked to do something new. I will let you know what I come up with! 

E

Coming to terms

     This is going to be short but sweet, it is very late and I am very very tired!!! First of all let me say how blessed I am to have such a wonderful family of friends surrounding me!! This past weekend was wonderful!!!

     Onward! Okay, so I am coming to terms with someone that has been REALLY hard for me and I think for everyone else who practices natural horsemanship. Everyone has their own style: the way they ride, lead, load, drive, or even love on their horses. Everyone always thinks THEIR approach to horses is right. I know of beginner riders who mimic people they think ride well, when in reality, they are mimicking disaster. Now I am an honest person, and I know my limitations, I know when I see something that is wrong, and I know it needs to be fixed, but teaching someone how to fix it, eh, I am not there yet. ANYWAY my point is, I want so badly to always offer my help, my advice, my two cents, what ever you want to call it. I know people can do better!! I know their horses can be happier and the relationship between the two could be built and worked and made stronger! I know this with EVERYTHING I am! BUT BUT BUT BUT, it is not my place, it is not my horse, not my human.

     I talked to Mirka about this yesterday, and all she said was 7 words: "All you can be is an example". Okay, sooo not really want I wanted to hear. I would have loved her to tell me to run up to them, jabber about everything they are doing wrong and how they need to start doing NHS. Really, I would have loved that, because I can do that!!! But for me to stand back, and let people do there thing.... ugh, thats so hard!!

     So,  I have come to terms. I am going to keep my big mouth shut. "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear" (that one is from my Mandana). No longer am I going to throw lessons onto people, offer to help them, or give "free" advice. When they are ready, I will be here, doing what I know is right and best for my horses and my people.

     -E

PHYSICAL BALANCE!!!

     Yay for part 3!!!

     I rode Aurora today!!!!!! Just kidding! Actually, I stood on a rock and laid across her back, only putting about 50% on my weight on her. She is such a sweet girl, she just looked at me, and lipped my fingers. She is going to be such a good girl!!! What a perfect way to start this blog! PHYSICAL! We talked about mental and emotional which to me seem harder to visualize because they are not right in front of you. You can see PHYSICAL balance, its obvious. For example, obviously Aurora is not balanced enough for me to ride, she is only a yearling! BUT, we can do other fun things to help build her balance, and then one day when she is ready, we will ride!!
    Balance is not just about age, or size, its just... physical balance. In every sort of riding, jumping, reining, endurance, or racing each horse is conditioned and worked to improve his physical balance. Just because a racing bred thoroughbred colt is of age to race does not mean a trainer is going to take him to the next derby and jump on him, that would be disastrous.  It takes time to build the strength and stamina to run a race. That cold has to be exercise, worked and finished before he can be put on the track. Same with a reining horse. I have worked with Mirka Pitts and watched her work her show reiners. She does not jump on a young quarter horse and spin the hell out of them. It is a meticulous process with so much thought and detail put into it, each one of her horses are first balanced at the walk, trot, lope, lead change, direction change ect, its not same day stuff.
     This is not just for show, for example, when I was working with Aurora to jump a barrel, I knew she was not ready,  her body was not balanced to do that when I asked her. So, we started out small, we walked over ground polls, then a small X. Then at a trot then a lope. At the X she jumped with confidence and balance, so we moved on to the barrel, after I set her up to succeed, we tried it and TA-DA!! Our first jump over a blue barrel with confidence and balance (mental, emotional, and physical).
     This goes for people too!!!!! If you have never jumped a horse are you going to go jump a 4ft wall? NO! If you have never been on a horse longer than 10 minutes, are you going to go on a 3 hour trail ride? Uhh yeah, you can, but I promise your body will be feeling it the next day!! People need to be physically balanced and in shape just as much as horses do!! I know I am not in perfect shape by far, it is something I am working on big time! There are things that I cant do, that I am working on, but its going to take some time!!! A few weeks ago, Jolee did a yoga class at Mirka's with us. I went in knowing I was not in shape and it was going to be tough! BUT HOLY COW!!!! She worked my butt off!! She was able to do things that you see in yoga books AND with a broken wrist! I was sweating like a dog and was pretty sure I was going to pass out a few times!!! BUT, 3 days later, Mirka and I practiced what we learned, it is was not nearly as hard (Dont get me wrong, it still hurt like hell!). Its a lot of work to be physically balanced to do some of the things we want to do, both with horses and without, but with enough "perfect practice" (Pat Parelli) and persistence, we are capable of doing anything!!!!

Stay warm!
Emily

EMOTIONAL BALANCE

     Happy Wednesday! Hope everyone is enjoy the cold! I know the horses are!!

    Lots of thinking about this blog the last few days. At first I thought about how easy this part is for me because of how emotional of a person I am. BUT after further delving I decided this could be the hardest part for me, because its not just the EMOTIONAL part, its the BALANCE, and the "art" of being able to control or suppress emotion both inward and outward.

    I am sure EVERYONE has had a time with there horse where they were so frustrated, mad, exhilarated, thrilled or just plain bored.... think back to one of those times. How did your horse react? I have noticed that the more frustrated or upset I get with a horse, the worse our relationship gets during that time. Last week I was doing some eye contact games with Indy, I was getting so frustrated because she would not give me her eyes or her ears and I just couldn't understand why not! I had treats, I had technique, I had the mental picture, but she just wouldn't do it!! So, out of frustration I started to play taking territory, every time  she did not give me her eyes, I forced her to move away from me. HUGE MISTAKE! Indy had no idea what I was asking of her, it was almost as if giving me her eyes and ears was just too simple and there had to be something more. I walked away from her and tried to chill out, I let her much hay and I sat on a barrel and thought about what I was doing. I thought about my emotions, what I was feeling... then it hit me. How selfish of me!! I was not considering my horse! Indy is a high level 3 lower level 4 horse, but this was all new to her, she was confused and I am sure just as frustrated with me as I was with her. So, I decided to break it down. I broke down the game into smaller games, and BINGO! Each win was a step up, and finally, we had reached the top!!! The start of the day I could not keep Indy's attention, and by the end of the hour I had her doing 360's and companion walking around the round pen with me!!!

     I am the type of person who blows up... it doesn't happen a lot but if my emotions become so out of control, I tend to freak. That happens with horses too doesn't it? Some people would call that a right brain  quality. To me, its just unbalanced emotion, something I always have and always will struggle with. The past few years I have met some amazing women who have such control over their emotions that to be, it looks like an art. I am getting better, horses have helped me, people have helped me, and believe it or not, I am beginning to help myself. Emotional balance is something that does not come easy, and when it happens, the results are amazing. Don't hide behind a mask (horses don't), keep your emotions on your sleeve (horses do) but make sure they are appropriate (be a mirror to your horse), realize why you are feeling the way you do and what you can do to change it.

    Remember, your horse is a mirror of you, they reflect you... who are you? Who do you want to be? What kind of relationship do you want with your horse? Become a person YOU can look up to and your horse can follow.

-e